Forgive me because my human senses have no comprehension of the peace you’ve found. The reality…the majesty; the “heaven” that is now yours, feels like sadness and loss to me. Forgive me for my selfishness in needing you to be around “just in case” and “just because”. The joy you have found makes this request oddly disrespectful and inhumane. You and God understand and love me anyway. He knows like you, I simply miss you and this is how I deal with it sometimes. The lesson to be learned is when you love someone, this love must be absolute and unconditional; including accepting another’s decision to be with our Father.
Grief is not a mental health issue. It is the acknowledgement that a meaningful presence and Soul has transitioned from this Earth plane. It is the acceptance of things that you can no longer do or say. It is a painful adjustment period. Grief makes you feel like shit and not giving one most of the time. That said, crying, screaming, mood swings should be anticipated. Everyone can’t handle it. And that’s okay. You have the option of taking a time out when the emotions crescendo to an unbearable level for you.
The person in mourning is unable to tap out as easily. So save yourselves if necessary. Grief is a process that forever changes you. There is no cure for “normal” reactions when someone who matters transitions. Period. There is no feeling better about any of this. It’s more realistic to feel less sad as time progresses.
And though the suggestion is well-meaning, please do not recommend therapy unless unless I’m refusing Starbucks, M.A.C. Cosmetics, or have sworn off wearing red lipstick forever. All is well otherwise. When there is nothing left to do or say please pray.
I miss you so much. I would ask you how you are doing but I know that because you’re with God, you are excellent!
Well, today is the day. Today marks my 25th work anniversary. Isn’t this crazy? Do you remember when you came into my bedroom to “remind me” about attending the information job session at O’Hare? Remember when I told you that I “forgot” about it, as my reason for not going? And remember when me you turned on your heels, grabbed the Chicago Tribune ad, and read aloud there was another session…in Buffalo Grove.
“Where is Buffalo Grove?”, I asked. To which you gave me a map (an actual map), along with your Cellular One cell phone and told me to figure it out.
I tried to come up with all kinds of excuses. Like, I was waiting on the Chicago Sun-Times to call me back about that editorial job that was basically promised to me a week earlier. Quick sidebar: I’m still waiting on that callback.
I didn’t see the big picture but clearly you did. You understood what I wanted, while knowing what I needed. You always wanted me to be a self-sufficient woman. One who has her own money, resources and agency. You always cautioned me to depend on myself “because Man may fail you.”
I have been on an exhilarating ride filled with opportunity, tough times, promotions, relocations. I have met people who have changed my life beautifully. Some of my wildest dreams have been fulfilled. All because I was obedient. And because I had you for a Mom to guide me. You knew that one day would be today. You knew that one day you would have to go home, and I would have to find my way in the world. You wanted to be sure that I was prepared. Not for the void that is now as much a part of me as my own skin; you wanted to show me how to live. To live well. To explore the infinite possibilities available to me. To live my life fully. To be unabashedly brilliant. Just like you.
Thank you Mom for giving me all that you had so selflessly and lovingly. I will honor your legacy every day of my life.