Be gentle with yourself today. Be compassionate and take care of yourself today. Make that appointment (cancel that appointment); book that trip, write a letter to express your dormant thoughts and desires-(you don’t have to send or share it. Ever.)
Listen to music that makes you feel good (extra credit if you get up and dance it out for 3 minutes.) Put on the lipstick; the special occasion earrings, jeans, shirt, dress, suit, shoes, jacket, or tie. You woke up today…this IS the special occasion.
It is only when we take care of ourselves FIRST, that we can show any semblance of humanity, compassion, and decency to others.
Life is full of invitations; we invite people to our homes, events, and into our hearts. Never forget that an invitation can be rescinded. If an individual doesn’t have the capacity to love you, to honor your feelings; if they can’t embrace who you are TODAY, their invitation must be rescinded. Others are watching the manner in which you take care of yourself and will follow your lead; always lead by example.
I push past my plateaus. I am bigger than my greatest fear. I am certain that I am amazing, because I know and love amazing people; (always remember that your circle is a reflection of who you are.) I trip and sometimes fall, but I will release the pain and embrace the lesson.
I am the best; expect to receive the best; intend to give my best always. Not because of who I am, but because who God is in my life.
I am in the process of becoming my authentic Self.
Forgive me because my human senses have no comprehension of the peace you’ve found. The reality…the majesty; the “heaven” that is now yours, feels like sadness and loss to me. Forgive me for my selfishness in needing you to be around “just in case” and “just because”. The joy you have found makes this request oddly disrespectful and inhumane. You and God understand and love me anyway. He knows like you, I simply miss you and this is how I deal with it sometimes. The lesson to be learned is when you love someone, this love must be absolute and unconditional; including accepting another’s decision to be with our Father.
I just realized that I am today, the woman who I planned to be. When my dreams were the only passport that I owned; when faith was the only designated driver to transport me from there to here. And although I doubted, and even tried to ignore her, I always inherently knew who I was. I knew this especially when people tried to tell me who I was not. I’m not finished yet, but I’ve arrived! And if I don’t pat myself on the back for beating my own odds, please tell me who will?
Stephanie, I love you and I know that you’re trying.
I beat up on you pretty hard a few moments ago because I was scared for you.
I now know that what I was really feeling was love for you.
I was hoping for your highest good to manifest in all areas of your life.
I was scared because I thought about your mom’s unexpected passing.
I couldn’t imagine what I would do if something like that were to ever happen to you. To us.
I must commend you for being brave.
Though you didn’t know exactly what the feedback was going to be, you were certain to expect to hear something that later turned out to be helpful.
We both knew.
But we showed up anyway. Scared and flawed as we were; we showed up anyway today.
We attempted to be brave as we sat in a room that has seen people at the their best and at their worst…partially undressed. How apropos?
We sat there in a stripped-down version of ourselves with not so much as having the safety net of our red lipstick to distract attention away from what was.
We received the information we needed to make us better. Yet I chose to focus on the negative. I needed to assign blame for us being here. I needed to blame someone because the tactics didn’t allow us to hide.
Stephanie needs help sometimes.
And it is okay. Yet, I’m not okay with us needing help.
I think it makes us seem weak.
As if we don’t have our stuff together.
In a world of mere mortals…even still, we are supposed to know better and do it.
Our secret is out.
We have been exposed:
We are regular like everyone else.
We are human.
Like everyone else.
I didn’t know how to be okay with that. So, I refused to let you.
I needed someone to blame for exposing us. For seeing us.
No one is supposed to see us.
We are supposed to be the wise one.
We are supposed to be able to fix it. Everything.
Quietly, so as to not disturb the lives and fun of others.
People will come from all over to help us and come to our aid.
Our gratitude would be arrested by embarrassment for needing to be saved.
For needing a modicum of anything that we give to others without judgement. Or is there?
The Sun is bright. The rays hurt our eyes.
We surrender into embraces; we quietly accept help.
We allow ourselves to be fully infallible. And human. Like everyone else.