Becoming Self

I push past my plateaus. I am bigger than my greatest fear. I am certain that I am amazing, because I know and love amazing people; (always remember that your circle is a reflection of who you are.) I trip and sometimes fall, but I will release the pain and embrace the lesson.

I am the best; expect to receive the best; intend to give my best always. Not because of who I am, but because who God is in my life.

I am in the process of becoming my authentic Self.

The Arrival

I just realized that I am today, the woman who I planned to be. When my dreams were the only passport that I owned; when faith was the only designated driver to transport me from there to here. And although I doubted, and even tried to ignore her, I always inherently knew who I was. I knew this especially when people tried to tell me who I was not. I’m not finished yet, but I’ve arrived! And if I don’t pat myself on the back for beating my own odds, please tell me who will?

Happy New You in 2022

Sometimes we get so deep on the final day of the calendar year that we become a bit too overzealous. We’re going to lose all of the weight, pay off all the debt, heal all old wounds, get married, have a baby, earn a promotion, etc. Most of what we find unsatisfactory about our present situation…took time to become that way. We can make significant progress in 365 days…just give yourself a break and breathe first before diving in.

If you commit to being grateful, happy, at peace and awesome in this very second, you’re already on the right track. Goals and resolutions are indeed necessary when you know that more is required of your life. Sometimes radical changes are eminent, inevitable and unavoidable. Only you know if you gave this calendar year 100% of your efforts or if you played yourself too small.

If you only existed through most of 2021 versus living your life beyond your own definition of fullness, I ask you…are you satisfied? If you have more issues than Vogue; are you part of the problem? You are definitely an integral part of the solution. As a dear friend once told me in love…”be gentle with yourself.” Love yourself. No, seriously fall IN LOVE with yourself. Most of us do not really like ourselves, let alone LOVE who we are. And this is evident in how we interact with the world.

You can not love me or expect me to love you, if you can’t find one solitary reason why you should love you. I am just a mirror projecting back to you what you are sending out into the world. Are you satisfied with that?

Happy New Year, Happy New

Grief is…

Grief is not a mental health issue. It is the acknowledgement that a meaningful presence and Soul has transitioned from this Earth plane. It is the acceptance of things that you can no longer do or say. It is a painful adjustment period. Grief makes you feel like shit and not giving one most of the time. That said, crying, screaming, mood swings should be anticipated. Everyone can’t handle it. And that’s okay. You have the option of taking a time out when the emotions crescendo to an unbearable level for you.

The person in mourning is unable to tap out as easily. So save yourselves if necessary. Grief is a process that forever changes you. There is no cure for “normal” reactions when someone who matters transitions. Period. There is no feeling better about any of this. It’s more realistic to feel less sad as time progresses.

And though the suggestion is well-meaning, please do not recommend therapy unless unless I’m refusing Starbucks, M.A.C. Cosmetics, or have sworn off wearing red lipstick forever. All is well otherwise. When there is nothing left to do or say please pray.

Gratefully,

Stephanie Kay

(RymarkableSteph)

Written 12/2020

Look Mom, I did it!

Hi Mom,

I miss you so much. I would ask you how you are doing but I know that because you’re with God, you are excellent!

Well, today is the day. Today marks my 25th work anniversary. Isn’t this crazy? Do you remember when you came into my bedroom to “remind me” about attending the information job session at O’Hare? Remember when I told you that I “forgot” about it, as my reason for not going? And remember when me you turned on your heels, grabbed the Chicago Tribune ad, and read aloud there was another session…in Buffalo Grove.

“Where is Buffalo Grove?”, I asked. To which you gave me a map (an actual map), along with your Cellular One cell phone and told me to figure it out.

What?

I tried to come up with all kinds of excuses. Like, I was waiting on the Chicago Sun-Times to call me back about that editorial job that was basically promised to me a week earlier. Quick sidebar: I’m still waiting on that callback.

I didn’t see the big picture but clearly you did. You understood what I wanted, while knowing what I needed. You always wanted me to be a self-sufficient woman. One who has her own money, resources and agency. You always cautioned me to depend on myself “because Man may fail you.”

I have been on an exhilarating ride filled with opportunity, tough times, promotions, relocations. I have met people who have changed my life beautifully. Some of my wildest dreams have been fulfilled. All because I was obedient. And because I had you for a Mom to guide me. You knew that one day would be today. You knew that one day you would have to go home, and I would have to find my way in the world. You wanted to be sure that I was prepared. Not for the void that is now as much a part of me as my own skin; you wanted to show me how to live. To live well. To explore the infinite possibilities available to me. To live my life fully. To be unabashedly brilliant. Just like you.

Thank you Mom for giving me all that you had so selflessly and lovingly. I will honor your legacy every day of my life.