The committee is a term that I refer to as a chorus of voices in your head that tell you stuff. Usually that stuff is useless and often baseless. It seems to center around negative perceptions. Such as, “my new coworkers or boss hates me. My friends have moved on to other friends. My partner is cheating, useless, disengaged,” you name it. The committee seemingly without provocation, shows up with answers whether they’re founded in truth or otherwise.

Why?

Because it shines in darkness. In spaces of ambiguity and uncertainty. You want answers and the committee is all too eager to share its take on the situation. The committee provides seemingly strong evidence in support of real observations. For example: “My coworker was super quiet in the office today. Yup, that’s it. It’s because they think I’m annoying.” Or, “my desk mates went to lunch but no one invited me.” More evidence of an issue.

The committee seems to provide what no one else can. Answers. It understands you better than your mom. It also has a front row seat into your thoughts because your thoughts are like the blood running through your veins. They constantly flow until they are blocked. Or at least managed.

The committee often needs an accomplice which is usually anxiety or even fear. Sometimes we become anxious or fearful about the unknown. Again, we want answers. Or at the very least, we desperately crave reassurance or validation.

Life has taught me a little hack. It’s so simple that once I share it with you, you might have to stop your eyes from rolling all the way to the back of your head.

Ask for the answers you need.

Or simply stop. Take a deep breath, and ask yourself, “how do I know for a fact that this thought or assumption is true?” That’s it.

Your little committee is seeking answers-so get them. Ask for what you want. Ask for clarification. Ask for what you need. Sometimes it’s asking a friend or a partner, “are we okay?” If there was a previous misunderstanding, do your part to address any elephants in the room. “I feel like our conversation yesterday got a little tense after I shared my opinion about your daughter’s birthday party. I hope I didn’t offend you, and apologize for my part in any miscommunication.” Or however you’d phrase it.

The point is to be brave and confront things head on. I will add that there’s a time and place for every conversation. Just because you’re ready for a discussion, it doesn’t mean the other person is. If a friend or loved one is experiencing grief, or is in a rough spot in life, maybe now isn’t the best time for them to hear you and come up with a healthy response. Sometimes we have to heal on our own. After all, our peace and happiness is an inside job. Others are only supporting casts in the overall story of our lives.